Too long but worth reading trust me

Don't know where to start but want to spit it out somewhere. Its about to get engaged in childhood ( pakhtun culture) When I was born, I got engaged to my cousin 5 years older than me, Ibrahim. As I grew up I came to know about this time passed I got emotionally attached to my fiance because I knew one day he'll be my spouse. We never talked, never looked at each other. Never had any contact over the internet or any other source. I liked him as obvious. But let me clear one thing I meant world to him. He loved me so much because he was a one man woman believed in true relations though I'm not a very girl but he had those eyes to seek beauty in me. He was happy to have me as a future wife. He was good looking tall and had all pashtun facial features why would girls not having any crush over him. But he still saved all his emotions just for, for her fiance. He was a gentleman. Khamosh tabiyat, reserved nature wala o der smile ya khandal ba ye na but when I was around agha khula ba na ratoly da. When I said something in group with all cousins sitting around. He never raised his gaze just smiling staring at floor. Never even tried to talk to me because he did respect me. And he knew sooner or later he'll find me as his soul mate sitting next to him. He was doing MBA from islamabad. It was his last year so elders decided after finishing his degree they will ties us in a knot (Nikkah). And after 4 or 5 years will get marry. I was happy having him like what a girl wants? Attention love faithfulness care.. He was giving it to me wholly. He devouted himself to me purely. Because it was not any false relationship I wasn't her gf or anything else but his future wife, a girl who spent all her years in his name. Masharano faisly ta khushala o. Everything was good until that night came. Exactly at 8:35 uncle called my father and told him which ruined everything. " Ibrahim got shot by robbers right in the head. He is no more". That was enough to making my life hell. Da khpo khkata ye rala zmaka uwesta. This doesn't end here I was sitting right next to my aunt near his dead body. But see my bad luck I couldn't cry why? Because of this so called pakhtun culture chr senga behaya da. 10 wraz tere Shu I didn't cry out loud. Why? bia ba khalak sa wae Che senga besharma da mangetar pase jarhi khu sok hum da soch na kae Che mangetar um tasu rala jorh kare wo. Khair 2 Kala ter Shu I never moved on how could I? How could one forget somebody with such passion that easily. Bachpan mangni herawal sirf pa welo asana da Che pa cha tera shi aghae ta pata wi. He was so young when he died 22 only. But you know what when he died my brother found my childhood pic with my dadi in his wallet.. Please ppl if you can't say something good here then don't make regret sharing this with you. Ma zaan ke suri unaka I couldn't disrespect him like this na me zaan marh ko khpal mor plaar wale pasheman kam Che da aghae da waja ushu. Mature yam khu bas herawal dera grana da. Its been 2 years now